To read Lenah's story from the beginning, just go to the side bar under blog archive and start reading from May 2013.

Friday, September 12, 2014

September 12, 2014

 A year ago today I woke up very nervous to face whatever lay ahead.  I didn't know if Lenah would survive the day. She did. And then she fought. She fought to live every day for 108 days.

 I miss her so much. We all do. I don't, however, miss her struggling. I am so incredibly thankful that she is now at peace in the presence of her Creator.

Fly high, sweet baby.

Happy First Birthday, Lenah!

Like a meteor across our sky
A shooting star-
We saw heaven in your eyes
And though our hearts are breaking
And we're missing you tonight.
You're resting in Our Father's arms
And angels lullaby.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

September 10, 2014

Yesterday was my second born's birthday. She is ten.

Today is my niece's birthday. She is five.

In two days it will be Lenah's birthday. She is in heaven.

I will grieve.

And Ruby.

Four days after Lenah's birthday I will begin marking time for Ruby. One month since her...birth, death, I'm not really sure what to call that day. She wasn't really born and I don't really know the day she died.

I'd like to avoid the calendar. But I can't. There's always some appointment to attend. Some birthday to celebrate.  Some event to observe.  I have to check the calendar.  I'd be in trouble if I didn't.  But some days I'd sure like to avoid the reinforcement of the grief that I feel every moment that is not occupied by some other activity, or distraction, or sleep.

I wonder if everyday is like your birthday in heaven.  Our observance of one trip around our sun on the subsequent years since our birth seems a bit... I don't know, arbitrary,  mundane, insignificant,
when compared to Lenah and Ruby's daily trip around the Son.

Do grieving mother's ever stop keeping time? Do they ever stop counting the days, the weeks, the months, the years since the loss?

I guess time will tell.