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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

September 10, 2014

Yesterday was my second born's birthday. She is ten.

Today is my niece's birthday. She is five.

In two days it will be Lenah's birthday. She is in heaven.

I will grieve.


And Ruby.

Four days after Lenah's birthday I will begin marking time for Ruby. One month since her...birth, death, I'm not really sure what to call that day. She wasn't really born and I don't really know the day she died.

I'd like to avoid the calendar. But I can't. There's always some appointment to attend. Some birthday to celebrate.  Some event to observe.  I have to check the calendar.  I'd be in trouble if I didn't.  But some days I'd sure like to avoid the reinforcement of the grief that I feel every moment that is not occupied by some other activity, or distraction, or sleep.

I wonder if everyday is like your birthday in heaven.  Our observance of one trip around our sun on the subsequent years since our birth seems a bit... I don't know, arbitrary,  mundane, insignificant,
when compared to Lenah and Ruby's daily trip around the Son.

Do grieving mother's ever stop keeping time? Do they ever stop counting the days, the weeks, the months, the years since the loss?

I guess time will tell.

3 comments:

  1. not sure if we ever stop noticing dates but the time comes when we remember them with a sweet smile instead of heartache, love you!

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  2. I truly think grieving is a part of living. We have to grieve to be able to put that pain behind us. But it is up to our heart how long it goes on. I lost triplets when I was 16. I am 53 now. I have a 32 year old son now. And every so often something will come into my head about when or how God chose to give them to us for such a short time then to take them back. And to think Sweet Lena was taken back to our great Creator because he felt she was not complete enough to make it here without suffering. Then sweet baby Ruby never got the chance to suffer before she was gone. Hope your other children had great days on their day of birth. Your in my prayers.

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